I am a Tampon FunPack

Disclaimer: Men, close your eyes and stop reading now because you're not going to like what you read.

Tampon funpacks. You know what I'm referring to, the packs that give you the supers, regulars, and lites all in one box. I love it, it's GENIUS! Here I was, thinking periods couldn't be any less exciting, and then they give me the funpack.

Everything you need is all in one wonderful package. That's just good marketing if you ask me. If you haven't already boarded the funpack train, get on now because it's moving!

You know what the best part is? You're always left with a few supers and a whole lot of lites, but since the regulars are out you have to buy a whole new box. I currently have 3 funpacks in my apartment that are just full of supers and lites. You know what that means. Time for another funpack.

My FunPack Headline:

Tampons: Now, bringing more FUN to your period!

I am COLD

I'm cold. It's not even that cold outside, but here in the Midwest the drastic temp. change from 70 to 40 in one weekend really makes sure you feel that cold deep in your bones. Yes, it's cold outside. But, you ask, aren't you inside most of the time, where it's warm? You would think.

Unfortunately, my apartment manager decided that he wouldn't replace the boiler that has needed replacing since last winter. You know what that means for me? NO HEAT. Not even the option of heat. Not even a little inkling of warmth from one of the radiators. Nada. Nothing.

It may actually be colder inside my house than it is outside. At least the temperatures are very comparable. I can prove this because my shaving cream is actually curdling or is in some kind of weird half-frozen state that does not allow it to perform any actual shaving protection. Also, my mascara is becoming chunky and solid. This is not a conducive environment for living.

My Cold Headline:

This winter, when your heat is low and your insulation is bare,
there's only one way to stay warm...

TEQUILA. Freeze-proof and guaranteed to make you sweat.

I Am Peanut Butter (specifically Skippy Natural Creamy, and sometimes chunky)

Peanut Butter, the caviar of all butters.

It's a miracle I haven't written about Peanut Butter before this. How I feel about peanut butter is equivalent to how a mother feels about her child. I love peanut butter like we're related. Almost as if I HAVE to love it - there's never been any choice in the matter.

PB is truly an integral part of my day. I often eat it 3 times a day whether on toast, celery, or just a spoon. No matter how it's eaten, I cannot imagine going through an entire day without delving into the deliciousness that is peanut butter.

Toast alone offers an infinite number of outlets for using peanut butter:

Toast + Butter + Peanut Butter (cholesterol schmolesterol, that shit is good)

Toast + Bananas + Peanut Butter (the Elvis)

Toast + Bacon + Peanut Butter (mmmmm bacon)

Toast + Bananas + Bacon + Peanut Butter (the Elvis with a twist)

Toast + Summer Sausage + Peanut Butter (don't knock it till you try it)

Toast + Potato Chips + Peanut Butter (crunchy!)

Toast + Bologna + Peanut Butter (mystery meat style-not quite as good as summer sausage)

The list goes on, and that's not even including jelly combinations.

I've already discussed my love for desserts, did I mention that the addition of peanut butter to ANY dessert automatically raises it's tastiness level x10? Yes, that angel food cake I ate for breakfast last month was lathered in peanut butter before I took a bite. Seriously, every dessert out there could use a little peanut butter. Pies, cakes, brownies, cookies, ice cream...even flan. The result is fantastic. (A good trick to remember is to dip your fork/spoon in the peanut butter before every bite. Sometimes it's just unrealistic to cover your dessert with pb before eating it.)

Sometimes people get embarrassed that I ask for peanut butter everywhere I go. I don't care. I need that peanut butter. You'd be surprised how many places don't carry peanut butter, and I say shame on you! Peanut butter is not a mere condiment, it's a necessity at every meal.

Hop on the PB train because it's always movin!

My Peanut Butter Headline:

Peanut Butter: It's not just a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

I am a TRUE Packers Fan

For the purposes of this blog and the annoyance that stems from hearing his name every .5 seconds, Brett Favre will herein be referred to as "The Traitor"

"If you're a true Packer fan, you understand..." - The Traitor

In spite of what The Traitor thinks, I am a true Packers fan. And, along with all the other complaints I have for him, I resent that he alluded to me NOT being a true fan.

Hello Traitor, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kate. I've been a Packers fan since I could walk. I've watched or listened to every game since then, and enjoyed every painstaking second of it, even when my team wasn't playing their best. I love my team regardless of whether they're winning or losing, I'm no bandwagon fan. I loved them in 96' when they won the Superbowl, but I loved them just as much before and after that. They may disappoint me at times, but my loyalty never falters. I have always, will always, and presently do love the Green Bay Packers.

How, then, can you be so bold as to tell me I'm not a true fan? Please explain, because I surely don't understand your logic. Is it because you think I was always a Traitor fan first, Packers fan second? In that case, you stand corrected. I was always a Packer fan first, a Traitor fan second. ALWAYS. I apologize for misleading you.

Do you think I'm not a true fan because I believe you to be a self-righteous traitor? I can explain. I believe the Packers helped build you up to what you are today, for better or worse. This is the organization that took a chance on you and then let you run wild during your career. This is the team that encouraged your "boy next door" persona, the reason we Packers fans loved you so much. This is the organization that allowed you to have fun playing the game you say you love so much. It appears that you have forgotten what the Packers have done for you, you only remember what you have done for the Packers. And you remember that while omitting the large supporting cast that surrounded you - staff, coaches, TEAMMATES. You also made yourself believe that you returned just to play the game you love. Interesting, since the only team you want to play for is one of the Packers greatest rivals. Interesting that you would not be so willing to play for any other team in the league.

NFL players move around in the league, I understand that. But you must understand that no matter who comes and goes, the team I'm rooting for is the Packers. A hard-working, community team that makes me proud every football season. I support what the Packers stand for and what they do on the field. I love watching every game they play. I may get angry with them sometimes, but like a true love, I still support them above and beyond any other team. THIS makes me a true Packers fan. You, sir, could learn something about being a true fan.


My True Packers Fan Headline:

Brett Favre: teaching the world that retirement isn't forever.

(But he wears Wranglers and makes jokes, how can you hate a guy like that?)

I Eat Cake for Breakfast

It's no secret that people love dessert. And if you're one of those freaks, like my boyfriend, who doesn't like dessert, than I think you're an asshole and you should stop reading this post. (I kid, I kid. I don't think my boyfriend is a bad person, I just think if I can force him to like dessert he'll be a better man.)

For those of you who are with me on the dessert loving, this post is merely meant to pay homage to the magnificence that is dessert for breakfast. I'm not talking about grabbing a donut at the office when it's someone's birthday - I mean deliberately waking up and preparing your breakfast with dessert as the main course.

For example, the other week my roommate made an honorary shark cake (promoting her love for Discovery's Shark Week). As she was baking it Monday night, I was already anticipating the piece I would be eating in the morning. In fact, I actually denied the chance to eat a piece that night, opting instead to eat my cake for breakfast. Imagine my excitement Tuesday morning when I woke up and there was a piece of cake all wrapped up on a plate, just waiting for me to dive in!

Now, I don't have any conclusive evidence to back this up, but I think Tuesday was my best day last week. And I think it's because I ate cake for breakfast. I mean, I was really on my game on Tuesday. I got a lot of stuff done.

I'll have to do some more research, but I think I've made it clear that eating dessert for breakfast makes you a better person.

Next up: Breakfast Brownies

My Cake for Breakfast Headline:
Who needs eggs? Pack a few extra calories into your day with dessert for breakfast! It will make an otherwise crappy day seem bright...and you can always work off those extra treats later.

I Am a Library

You know what I love? Borrowing books from friends. Now, don't worry, I'm not one of those jerks that borrows a book and then never returns it. But, somehow, borrowing a book from a friend is just way better than going to a library. Why, you ask?

First of all, said friend usually brings the book right to you. You don't even have to go out of your way to get it. Some may call this laziness, I just call it smart.

Also, going to the library or a bookstore without any notion of what you want to read is HARD. There are so many books to choose from, it can be overwhelming! At least if you get a book from a friend, you know there's a reason they bought it in the first place. As we all know, this doesn't necessarily mean the book will be good.

In that case, do you know what the best part is? If the book really sucks you can finish it with the satisfaction that your friend was the one that wasted money on the craptastic thing and laugh to yourself about it. (That's another thing, I can't start a book and not finish it. Even if I think it's really terrible. I'll read it all the way through, then complain about how bad it was to the person I borrowed it from, ensuring that they feel really stupid for having bought the book in the first place. I know, it's a bad habit, and kind of mean. Sorry, got a little off topic there.)

When all is said and done, borrowing books from friends rules. You don't have to leave your house to get the book, you don't have to get stressed over which book to pick, and you don't have to be pissed that you bought a book that was really sucks. So, whenever you need a book, give me a call! Just don't tell me my book stinks, because I don't buy boring books.

Need a book? Ask a friend.
Read it through until the end.
If it sucks return it quick
and thank your friend for the nasty trick!

George Michael is Dreamy

In lieu of the King of Pop's tragic death, I would like to focus on those pop icons that are still living.

Namely, George Michael.

I've had a crush on George Michael since age 5. I've known all the words to Father Figure, Faith, andFreedom since then, mostly due to my mom playing the cassette every day (I even knew I Want Your Sex *gasp* simmer down kids, I never saw the video, I just liked the music). So he doesn't like women. A minor detail. The fact is that he is a beautiful man that makes beautiful music. (Yes, even in the 80's when Wham! was in full force.)

Here are some additional reasons that George Michael is amazing:

• No one rocks tight jeans and a well-groomed fu manchu quite like him.
• He never overdid Christmas music. I appreciate Christmas songs when an artist sings them during the holidays and is done with it, rather than trying to make millions from a Christmas record year after year.
• The man can dance. Enough said.
• He came back from the bathroom "lewd act" scandal like a champ. And that was before sex tapes and other vulgar events became a popular way to get famous.
• He admits his stupidity when his mistakes make headlines. An admirable trait I think.
• He doesn't use his sexuality as a "prop". I never felt he hid the fact that he was gay, nor did he flaunt it. (I blame his producers and record execs for making him sing about women.) He's an entertainer and the fact that he likes men never stopped women from wanting him.
• That voice. And that accent (you all know how we American girls love a British accent).
• He can sing with Queen and do justice to Freddie Mercury (not to mention rocking duets with Elton John, Paul McCartney, Arethra Franklin, even Beyonce).
• George Michael is, was, and will always be HOT!

My George Michael Headline: (from the illustrious words of Adam Sandler)

So hot, want to touch the heinie!

Faith - George Michael